I once had a classmate, with whom I did not get along at first. But she slowly grew to become the reason to stay at that school for 2 years instead of one. Which was quite atypical for me. As I said, I did not like her at first. Very few people I knew actually liked her. And they were peculiar people too. There was something subversive about her that did not let you let your guard down around her. Mainly older women, teachers at our school, got nervous to the point of being frantic just by being in her presence. You know, that one kid in school, that may sit still and be quiet but you can hear the bomb ticking on the inside. The one that always in some way stays a wild child. You may not notice it, but people like us will carry it within forever, we will always be bad children. The quilt from subconsciously behaving in a way that did not please our parents or our teachers becomes a trait that you wont be able to just shake of or grow out of, as you become a young adult. We will continue to seek acceptance wherever we can find it. So I became friends with this girl. My parents, naturally, didn't support this decision viewing her as bad influence, a bad child. Now 2 years from our first meeting, we still talk. But I don't quite adore her or consider her invincible as before. She is the fictitious character I am writing about that longs for something she can never have. She always furiously wanted to be somebody else than herself. You couldn't really see this at first but it came up to the surface eventually. It was this desperate need to get away from her background or family that made her unnatural and staged rather than herself. Not being able to come to terms with where she came from and whom it made her was her greatest flaw. What would I do if I was able to make her see what is unique and incomparable about herself? Would I be able to tell her about the deception, which was deeply entrenched and even enticed in her thought process? What if she wanted to stay in this state of misery that was so palpable only to me? Would I be able to help her get rid of all the darkness, which became too heavy for carrying without ways to cope with it? When thinking what would happen if I was able to make her problems go away and enjoy the gaieties of life I realized that I did not want to do that. We feel a great need to control those we love. But maybe love is about letting them do what they have to do. Being able to trust them. To trust that they have/ will gain the ability to make healthy decisions for themselves. That they will find a way how to be kind to themselves.

Naďa Studená 3.A